Auburn Series 1: Always You
by Creme de Menthe
Summary: Concisely, it's a cross between "Life of Snape" and "Love story of Severus Snape and Lily Evans". That's should be more than enough for the summary of this story. ABANDONED.
1. About the Series

Sunday, October 30, 2011

_**Auburn Series  
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**Featuring:** Almost every characters that deal with one Lily Evans

**Warning:** Erm… A few curse and swears? Not for children's bedtime stories? No happy ending (for some stories)? Mushy, corny stuff? Amateur-ish writing?

**Warning 2:** All the stories and the characters in this series focused on Lily Evans.

**Warning 3:** Don't like how Lily is the centre of all the attention? Go away! Go and read something else! That's big bad green button that has an arrow point to the left that would take you back to the page you were on previously. I would probably write some Lily-bashing stories in a near future. Which practically means very far away.

**Warning 4:** Apparently, I forgot to mention that I would be portraying Dumbledore as I see him. A big foolish manipulative benevolent ignorant old coot with all his good wills, imperfections and flaws. There, I've said it. But no Dumbledore-bashing. I still have some sort of respect for him. Well...sort of. *shrug* Oh but don't be so shocked if I post a Dumbledore-bashing fic tomorrow. You can never know what I'll do. Expect the unexpected, as someone once said. So yes, no Dumbledore-bashing, and no, no Dumbledore-is-the-holiest-of-the-holiest-of-saints-and-he-is-disgustingly-nice-to-everyone portraying. Repeat: no Dumbledore-is-the-holiest-of-the-holiest-of-saints-and-he-is-disgustingly-nice-to-everyone portraying. He's just a man with big ambitions and responsibilities that was entrusted on him by the wizarding world. WHILE he's a great wizard with many terrific knowledge and skills, he WAS STILL a man with all his selfish imperfections and flaws.

**Warning 5:** Potter grew up. He matured. And he won the girl.

**Notes:** I love it when you read, review and recommend. Remember the 3R. 3R people, 3R. Read, review and recommend. 3R (rofl, I'm rambling)


	2. Always You

Thursday, October 20, 2011

_**It Has Always Been Her**_

**Featuring:** Severus Snape, Lily Evans and a bit of James Potter winning the girl

**Notes:** A part of "All about her" series.

**Summary:** Concisely, it's a cross between "Life of Snape" and "Love story of Severus Snape and Lily Evans". That's should be more than enough for the summary of this story.

**Warning:** Erm… A few curse and swears? Not for children's bedtime stories? No happy ending? Mushy, corny stuff? Amateur-ish writing?

**Warning 2:** Potter grew up. He matured. And he won the girl. BUT he did treat Snape poorly. Frankly, he bullied Snape. I'll have my revenge in another story. Soon. You'll face my wrath, you pretentious, attention-seeking, immature, spoiled, ignorant, nose-in-the-air, pompous prat! Though your son is kinda nice and he made great couple with a few other characters that I really enjoy to picture and fictionalize their rlts and imagine them living happily ever after in a lovely white cottage on a small island, by the edge of the sea, oh gosh I'm rambling terribly sorry, *take a deep breath* DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK, BASTAR- er...pasta? Erm...considered you warned about everything possible. Well, mostly logical reasoning. And Potter being an arse.

**Warning 3:** I would be portraying Dumbledore as I see him. A big foolish manipulative benevolent ignorant old coot with all his good wills, imperfections and flaws. There, I've said it. But no Dumbledore-bashing. I still have some sort of respect for him. Well...sort of. *shrug* Oh but don't be so shocked if I post a Dumbledore-bashing fic tomorrow. You can never know what I'll do. Expect the unexpected, as someone once said. So yes, no Dumbledore-bashing, and no, no Dumbledore-is-the-holiest-of-the-holiest-of-saints-and-he-is-disgustingly-nice-to-everyone portraying. Repeat: no Dumbledore-is-the-holiest-of-the-holiest-of-saints-and-he-is-disgustingly-nice-to-everyone portraying. He's just a man with big ambitions and responsibilities that was entrusted on him by the wizarding world. WHILE he's a great wizard with many terrific knowledge and skills, he WAS STILL a man with all his selfish imperfections and flaws.


	3. When Life Was Simple

Sunday, October 26, 2011

_**Part I: When life was simple**_

He has noticed her from the very first day of their friendship for her hair.

Her magical, otherworldly auburn hair. It's not just any simple auburn colour, it's a flame of mixture of colours. It is auburn, infused with a myriad of colours. It's of the coppery colour of the penny that his mother sneaked to him when father wasn't looking, of the bruised red sunset and sunrise that he watched from the confined space of his bedroom, of the vermillion crayon he picked up on the pavement one day, of the angry crimson blood that flow freely out of his vein when his father hit him hard with a belt, of the rich dark oak that made up his mother's treasured jewelry box from her youthful day when she was spoiled, still living leisurely and happily in a wondrous world.

The first time he saw her was at a park near both of their houses. She was on the swing, trying to swing as high as possible, giggling at the futile attempt of her sister to make her stop. She suddenly swung up very high, as high as a swing can possibly take her, and jumped down from there to the ground, landed softly on the ground with the ball of her petite foot as gracefully as any other ballet dancers he saw on the television one day when changing channels. She was like a magical beautiful sprite. It didn't help that the sun chose exactly the moment she jumped down to shine through her hair, turning it into a beautiful coppery flame. Saying he was stunned by the beautiful flaming-haired sprite would be an understatement. In that moment, he immediately claimed her as his. His beauty, his sprite. Moreover, she is a magical child! If any other child had jumped from that height, they would have broken a leg or an arm from the attempt. But since when his beauty was like any other child? She's special, beautiful, and lovely. She would always be powerful. Isn't it the proof of her power that just a brief moment of the sun shone through her hair that he was immediately smitten with her? But when she doesn't have the strength to be powerful, he would protect her, like a courageous knight. He would do anything to protect, to keep her safe. He would be strong for her. And he would do anything for his beautiful sprite. He would conquer the world for her.

A shriek broke his train of thoughts.

"LILY, STOP DOING THE FREAKY THINGS! I'm telling mom what you really are, a freak!"

He was surprised that he hasn't taken notice of the other's presence, perhaps that is his sprite's sister. The sister was so unlike the auburn-haired beauty that he couldn't think of them as sisters. The sister was everything opposite to his beauty, homely, thin and bony, horse-faced and ugly. Her hair was also auburn but it didn't have the otherworldly touch to it. It was plain and tasteless. It doesn't help that she was downright nasty to his beauty. He was disheartened to see his sprite's shoulders slumped down when the nasty sister ran toward a house and slammed the door shut. He didn't want to see his sprite sad, he wanted her to smile and be free, be happy. He ventured forward and gently nudged his sprite and said hello. His sprite was wary of him at first but then immediately warmed up to him. He learnt that his beauty's name was Lily Evans and the other was Petunia. He also learnt that his compassionate and kind-hearted Lily tried everything to bond with her sister but nothing seems to work. Everything was going fine when suddenly he has an urge to tell his Lily the truth about all the weird things she told him that she has done.

"Lily, you're a witch."

He said it with awe and adoration. But Lily didn't seem to notice the emotion he portrayed. She looked at him tearfully and ran back into her house, leave him sitting there confused, unable to comprehend what he did wrong. Was it that she hates him? Was it that he's too ugly because of his nose? Or was it his poor and baggy clothes that barely hung on his thin frame? It can't be, she was his sprite! She couldn't just hate him. She is kind-hearted and nice! He looked at her house mournfully and turned around, walked grumpily back to his house. His sprite is mad at him, but he didn't know what he has done wrong. And he wasn't very happy when he didn't know about something. Perhaps he has done wrong when he told her that she was a witch. But he wasn't calling names, no! He was saying the truth, she was a witch! But perhaps she didn't think that he was being honest and thought that he was being nasty.

It was a week before he could gather up his courage and ventured back to the park to talk to her. She was there, sitting on the ground, gathering wildflowers into a bunch in her basket. He came forward to her and immediately blurted out his apology.

"I'm sorry for calling you a witch, but I wasn't calling you names like Petunia. It was the truth! Don't be mad at me please."

She was stunned for a moment before laughing. It was his turn to be stunned. Her laughter was pure and pristine, it rang through the air like chimes of silver bells. It was musical and infectious.

"Oh Severus, I'm the one who should be saying sorry to you for running away without thinking. I should have noticed that you said it without any stinging tone like Tuney. I'm really sorry Severus. But what you said the other day, that I'm a witch, is that true? So all the weird stuff I did, it was magic?"

He assured her that the things she did, all of them weren't weird at all but natural, because it's magic. He added silently in his mind, and because she's his sprite and nothing she ever do would be wrong in his eyes. He told her of all the wonderful things magic is capable of and of Hogwarts, the dazzling school for both witches, like Lily, and wizards, like him. She kept on saying sorry for not believe in him the other day and then offered him a beautiful daisy she found earlier. When she plucked it up to give it to him, cupped in her hand, it suddenly shifting between a bud and a bloom, open and close. She laughed happily in seeing the animation of the daisy, and he couldn't help but laugh along, delighted with the beautiful sound of her laughter.

_**~ S.S ~**_

Their friendship was steadfast. She often invited him over her house for tea and lunches. He told her of his father's beating, of his mother's woes and of his sadness, his dreams. She was really meant to go to her mother when she heard that his father beats both him and his mother, for fathers aren't supposed to beat their children and their wives, if he hadn't begged her to leave it. She grudgingly leave the subject untouched but she would held him close and help him tended to his bruises and wounds after a vicious beating of his father. He would held her close when Petunia - the nasty sister doesn't deserve a name!, he has exclaimed silently in his mind- called her names and taunt her with cruel jokes. They became a source of comfort for each other. They were inseparable.

With each other, they have discovered a spot near a small lake that had a beautiful large tree shadowed over it when Petunia started to follow them everywhere and taunt them with vicious and cruel remarks. They christened it "The Severus and Lily's secret place" but normally called it "the Spot" with a capital S. They agreed to take all their meeting and fun to this wondrous place and would keep it secret from everyone else, never to reveal the location to any other person without the other's permission, although they have no intentions whatsoever to tell another because it was so sacred to both them. Overtime, it became their hiding place from Petunia, for Lily, and the plight of the family and beating of one Tobias Snape, for him.

The day the Hogwarts letters came for them, they both took it to the Spot unopened, trembled with anticipation to see if the other had yet to receive the letter, if not then they would refuse to go there without the other. When Lily saw that he also has received his letter for Hogwarts, she let out a squeal and tackled him to the ground for a hug. After both of them open the letter and read it, a bit more like devouring the letter on Lily's side, they both lay there lazily while Lily kept on reading her letter over and over again, unable to believe, just yet, that everything her Sev has told her about was the truth. He just smirked at her, took a strand of her hair in his hand and twirled it around his fingers. He has never ceased to be amazed by the myriad of beautiful colours that existed in her hair and made it like a living flame. And her eyes, they were two beautiful sparkling jewels of the most exquisite emerald green. They show every emotions of Lily to him, shone brightly every time when Lily look at him and made him feel like she could see through every corner of his mind. Suddenly he looked up to the sky and saw birds flying freely in the sky. He suddenly had the oddest thought that how free he would be if he was able to fly. To his surprise, a wind suddenly picked up, blew through the lone elder oak tree in the Spot, and leads the leaves onto a dance in the sky. Lily peeked up from her letter and let out a surprised and happy laugh at seeing the leaves dancing in the sky. The wind blew through her hair, twirled her skirt and for a moment, he thought that she looked so surreal, so otherworldly, that if a pair of wings suddenly appeared on her shoulders and she would fly into the air in the midst of the dancing leaves, he wouldn't be surprised because it felt so right and she is so very beautiful, just like an angel.

_**~ S.S ~**_

Apparently, several boys at Hogwarts have the same ideas as him for when they saw his, mind you, HIS beauty. None dared to approach her of course, for he sneered and threated them with hexes and jinxes, except for one nasty little bugger in Lily's house Gryffindor, James Potter, who dared to ignore his threats. That Potter's methods at gaining her attention were so childish, crude and outrageously mad that it had him broke down in laughter in secret whenever he thought of them. Besides, Lily only ever had eyes for him, her beloved Sev that was unfortunately sorted into a hateful house, Slytherin, where they taunted and tormented him for his blood status. She was taunted too, but nothing that she can't handle because frankly, he was always there to protect her. She couldn't do anything to relieved him of his plight, for his housemates was devious and cruel, and leave no evidence behind that could be brought to the light. And there were also the Marauders, consisted of a James Potter, a Sirius Black, a Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin, who always tormented her Sev because he was her best friend while Potter cannot even earn a glance to his direction from her. All of those blasted Marauders are insufferable prats except for Remus who was a sweet and nice boy who was clearly unhappy with the way the rest of the Marauders were treating, or frankly said, bullying her Sev but couldn't do anything to stop his friends from it. Saying Lily was furious with them is an understatement. She always tried to be there for her Sev and get those damn prats detentions and expulsions but the Headmaster Dumbledore and her Head of House Professor McGonagall were too lenient toward them. It was always a couple nights of detention and point losses, but never serious punishment.

He was warm at heart, knowing that Lily was trying to protect him and stand up for him, maybe a little smug at knowing that Lily still only had him in her emerald eyes and he's the only boy who can touch her beautiful flaming hair without afraid that he would be hexed within an one-millionth inch of his life. Their lives in Hogwarts have gone on rather comforting, once he has established within his House that he was capable of playing even more dirty and devious than his housemates. Anyone who crossed him would have to face with ingenious, vicious and nasty hexes and jinxes, not to mention they would accidentally drank some mysterious potions that would render them in a comical and sarcastic situation that would requires days, if not weeks, in the Hospital Wings. Slowly, they learnt their lessons and leave him alone, occasionally some would even look up to him for advices in Potions class for he was the most capable and intelligent in the subject. However, a certain groups of people, namely the Marauders, have not learnt their lessons and continued to prank him with every chance they got. He wasn't going to leave it alone so he had his vicious paybacks that would put the Marauders in the Hospital Wings for days with the perpetrator unknown, except for a Remus Lupin. Lily has told him personally not to involve Lupin in his paybacks. When he heard that, he's very tempted to do so - in fact, he'd even plan a personal nasty revenge on Lupin for catching the attention of Lily - for he was very jealous of the attention given to Lupin by Lily but then Lily immediately erased all those thoughts on involving Lupin in his "little" paybacks with a kiss on his cheek. He turned tomato red and was teased by Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black, who has taken it as their responsibility to overlook and watch over "our very own Potion Master-in-training" welfare in the House and in the school.

How he has gained the young Malfoy heir and the Ice Queen of Slytherin as his two mentors was an unconventional circumstance. It was a very unlikely coincident that made him laugh whenever he thinks of it. It was a disgustingly pink Valentine's Day - yes, very pink, as in the whole castle's candles glowed pink light, the tapestry was transfigured into a sickly sweet pink colour, rose petals were floating down the hallway, some armors here and there sang an off-key version of random disgustingly corny love songs and Charmed pixies and cupids flying around delivering love letters, gifts and love confession cards; and according to him, horrifyingly and terribly disgusting - and the young Prefect was desperately trying to find a perfect present for his girlfriend, who happened to be the Ice Queen of Slytherin. How Lucius managed to melt the famous Winter Heart of Narcissa, he never know but he guessed whatever Lucius did, however mushy and corny and disgustingly and horrifyingly sweet, must have worked. He was sitting in the common room, enjoying the couples-free zone when he saw Lucius pacing around nervously and almost tearing his treasured silken hair out of his head. It was an image that he could never forget, the haughty and distant Lucius being nervous. He has almost jumped when Lucius trying to bargain with him in order to gain his aid in finding the perfect present for Narcissa. Even in his craziest dream, he could never imagine that Lucius has begged for his help so he has offered it for free. He then helped Lucius created a special perfume for Narcissa, more like he did all the work while Lucius did quality-and-scent inspection. Narcissa, overjoyed at receiving such an extravagant gift, has demanded the knowledge of who has created this heavenly perfume from Lucius. It was hilarious, seeing Lucius being interrogated by Narcissa for his name. The Ice Queen, upon learning his name, has proclaimed that what a talented Potioneer he was and that no one should ever be an obstacle in his way, both literally and metaphorically, or they would have to face her deadly wrath. The proclamation was doubled by a euphoric Lucius, who returned very late that evening after truly learnt how appreciative Narcissa was of that gift. After the proclamation, Lucius startled Severus by kissing him loudly on both cheeks. The stunned Severus looked on as Lucius practically floating on his way back to his room.


	4. There She Goes, Never to Return

Sunday, October 30, 2011

_**Part II: There she goes, never to return again**_

In his fifth year, he was lured to Voldemort's side by the promises of revenges on all those people who has made his life a living hell and of greatness and power. By that time, Lucius has already graduated from Hogwarts and joined Voldemort's army, called the Death Eater, on his father's command. Even though Lucius has fought tooth and nail to not obey the command but his father, Abraxas Malfoy used the Unforgivable curses on him, and has even threatened him that Narcissa, by now was his beloved fiancée, would experience the second Unforgivable. Lucius, feared for his life and Narcissa's, unwillingly took the Dark Mark, became a Death Eater and spewed forth the rubbish on the purity of blood and superiority of the pureblood folks. He then personally warned Severus not to join or to listen to any rubbish sprouted by any Death Eater in training but it was already too late, Severus was already ensnared by all the false promises of approval, of power and greatness, heard through the Lestrange brothers - Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange -, Mulciber and Avery's mouths. Narcissa, the Ice Queen of Slytherin, who would rather be dead than _seen_ talking to a _Mudblood_, has personally asked a favour of Lily to talk senses into Severus and helped Narcissa and Lucius swaying Severus away from believing in the rubbish those Death Eaters-in-training has been telling Severus. It was working so perfectly, too perfect and too good that it can hardly be true.

Then it happened. Just one tiny incident. That's all it took.

He was watching the light shone brightly and dancing on her flaming hair one afternoon when Potter and Black caught him in a prank. Lily - as any other girls who was delighted in being the centre of attention of almost all the boys in school, especially Potter's for so long as no other girl lasted more than a week, or even a day - smiled a little at their antics and silly attempt at gaining her attention, before running forward, scolded them heavily for their prank and assigned them detentions as she was the Prefect. It was a tiny smile, barely visible as her full and luscious lip's corner turned up just a fraction of a second but he caught it anyway. Something unknown snapped inside of him. He thought she was laughing at him like any other students who were there that moment. Even if she were his sprite, he wouldn't allow her to laugh at him when in an embarrassing situation. Besides, has he ever laughed at her when she's in one?

_**~ S.S ~**_

"Mudblood!"

He has called her in the cruel and sarcastic tone while smirking viciously at her when she walked past him in the midst of those Death Eaters-in-training. They all laughed aloud at her stunned face and her furious tears when she stomped away, back into the castle. He froze. He didn't have the heart to smirk or laugh at her anymore. She was crying. There were tears falling down freely on her pretty face. Her flaming hair was burning angrily and accusingly at him. He has made his beautiful sprite cried. He has forgotten his promise never to make her cry that he made to her in the Spot one day when she was crying from the vicious remarks of Petunia. How could he forget that? How could he be so cruel to her? How could he?

He immediately sneaked away from the group and back into the castle, and ran toward the Gryffindor tower to find her and say how sorry he was and that it was just a slip of tongue because he was dared to (she knew that if he was dared to then he had no option but to do it or something bad will happen to him because those Death Eaters-in-training always carry out their threats) but what he saw, rendered him speechless, and sent him on a whirlwind of emotions. Lily was sitting there in an alcove just outside her common room, crying and Potter, POTTER, that insufferable pompous pretentious attention-seeking spoiled prat, was putting an arm around her shoulders and whisper words of comfort to her, his sprite, and she didn't throw Potter's arm off or slap him like all other time. He walked away dejectedly and thinks that he would find another time to apologise to her.

_**~ S.S ~**_

"What you called me was unacceptable and insulting. After all the promises you have made to me, it seems like you can't remember a thing. You were always thinking and seem to follow your mind, you don't say things on a whim and you think really carefully before you would take up any dare. What's what going through your mind when you called me a Mudbl- with...with that word?"

She faltered for a moment, looking at him sadly. With a softer voice and a mournful tone, she added.

"What's wrong with you Sev? What had happened to you? It's as if I don't know you anymore Sev. I tried to understand you, I tried to talk to you but it's just so hard. You just won't open up like before to me. I can accept all the changes in you, even if you choose to murder someone because I know you aren't a person who does things without a reason Sev. Only if you would open up to me and tell me the reason why Sev. You're a great friend to me and I don't want to lose you. Never mind Potter and his antics, I care naught for it. I only truly care about you Sev. You have disappointed me Sev, I thought you'd be smarter and see through the false promises that _Voldemort_ makes and stay away from _them_."

She spat the last word disgustingly and saw him visibly flinched away. She gazed at his stunned face, trying to identify all the mysterious emotions in his usually impassive obsidian eyes.

"I'm sorry Lily-"

He began feebly but was cut off by her.

"Unless you tell me the real reason behind that name-calling incident, I believed that we are through Sev. I can't take it anymore. Sev I'm giving you the chance to redeem yourself. I beg of you, please take it."

He was speechless. Lily thought highly of him. She didn't care, even a bit, for Potter and his silly antics, she cared about him. She has even said only him. Furthermore, Lily was giving him a chance to gain her forgiveness and she even begged him to take it. 'My sprite doesn't want to lose me.' His heart fluttered at the thought and it makes the situation even more complex for him to reach a decision.

"I…Lily, I…-"

"Severus Snape, tell me the truth please."

He flinched away from her. She has used his full name, which means that she's being very serious with him about his second chance. He looked at her pleadingly but only saw her gaze hardened. He, yes the notorious Snape, was scared. What if Lily laughed at him when she heard the real foolish reason for him to call her that name the other was that _he thought_ she was laughing at him when he was caught in one of Potter's prank? And he feared what they would do to both him and Lily when they see him being chummy with Lily again. Besides, he yearned so much for the chance to prove himself worthy to every single pureblood in the wizard society, that he could be better than them, that he would be the Dark Lord's right-handed man. He would be the most trusted man of the Dark Lord, he would be rewarded with power and greatness that only the Dark Lord would surpass and he would be able to beg for Lily's life and protect her, forever keeping her safe in his arms. Then he would have the chance to get his revenge on everyone who has had a hand in making his life a living hell, and Potter has an honour seat on the top of the list, rivalled that of his lame excuse for a father. But on the other hand, he just desperately wanted to accept the second chance and just tell her the bloody truth about the real reason behind the name-calling incident, as Lily put it.

"I'm sorry Lily, I… I can't."

He immediately regretted the moment the words sprang from his lips. Lily's beautiful emerald eyes briefly reflected the painful feelings she was hiding inside at hearing his choice and then hardened back into the look she only saved for Potter when that prat done something terribly foolish and prank him. Damn him, his pride and his ever-calculating Slytherin side. Why can't he just tell Lily the blasted truth? At that moment, he knew that he has lost his beautiful sprite forever. They might be acquaintances again but they would never be anything that he had always dreamt about.

"Goodbye Sev. I'll treasure the time that we were best friend and will always think highly of you. Thank you for all the help you have given me before."

Lily cut through his thoughts and then moved to stand on her toes, kissing him on the cheek as usual when they were in private, and proceeded to give him a hug. He was stunned by her word, terrified at what he has done with just a few words and his foolish decision and her actions. He just stand there, motionless, inhaling the sweet lavender scent from her beautiful auburn hair and relished in the warm embrace of her arms, trying to engrave all Lily's scent, her curvaceous body, her warmth and her soft, lavender-scented flaming hair into his mind and heart. This would be the last hug he would ever receive from Lily, and this would be the last time she would call him 'Sev' and speaking softly to him. He has lost her forever. His sprite, his beauty. He has failed to be the knight in the shining armour for her. She then released him from her embrace and turned away.

"Lily, wait! I…I can….I can explain!"

"Mr Snape, it has past the curfew and I think you should be heading back to your Slytherin dorm. Because of the…situation tonight, I'll pretend that I didn't see you there. And it would be best if you refer to me by my last name, Evans. It's more dignified than the name you are calling our sorts."

He has already envisioned this but to really hear Lily called him by his last name was just so painful. It sent him reeling, ready to cry like a lovesick girl.

"Thank you Lil- Ms Evans, I'll be heading back to my dorm now. I apologized for the inconvenience."

He then turned away and immediately walked away in the direction of the Slytherin dungeons, afraid that another minute in Lily's company he would die with all the pain he was feeling inside. He would never be able to get over her. Or forget her. Because when he looked back, every single moment of his life up until this point was filled with Lily's presence, everywhere he looks reminded him of her, everything of value to him was given to him by Lily and he can't get the memory of her crying when he turned to walk away out of his mind. It'd forever haunt him, the turning point of no return, the moment he has chosen Voldemort and Death Eater over what he held most dear, a beautiful girl with fiery flaming hair and emerald eyes.


	5. Perhaps

Sunday, October 31, 2011

_**Part III: Perhaps**_

The days went by torturously slowly. He didn't know when he has started to count every single minute, every single second as they passed by. Without Lily's presence in his life, everything has gone to a halt. He barely ate and slept, only when necessary and when Narcissa was watching him. He knew he was turning Narcissa and Lucius into two excessive worrywarts by behaving this way but he couldn't do anything about it. Without Lily there, he felt as if his life didn't worth living anymore. Nothing can spark his interests again. He immersed himself in his potions, hovering non-stop over his cauldrons, making, creating and improving potion after potion, poisons, antidotes, draughts, medic potions, tinctures, tisanes, serums...as if his life depends on it and he would die if anyone takes it away from him. Yes, without Lily, Potion is the only thing that makes his life worth something to live, if anything at all.

Potter was getting more successful as gaining Lily's attention now that he has noticed that Lily didn't approved of his silly pranking business and starting to actually mature. He started to behave more and actually pay attention in his class, eventually getting straight O's in all his classes. He then tried to ask Lily out on a date to Hogsmeade that weekend in a serious and dignified manner and to his surprise, Lily has said yes with a blushing face. Severus has witnessed it all and let out a bitter laugh. His rival has taken hi- the beauty once and for all. What was left of his heart after that night is shattering inside of him at the sight of Lily's blushing face and her lovely emerald eyes peering up under her beautifully thick lashes at Potter. At Potter. This is for real, Lily would be falling in love with that Potter, then would end up marrying Potter, and would never spare a second glance in his direction.

He avoided that Hogsmeade that weekend, saying he has to finish up a few potions and some other extra assignments he was working on. Mulciber and Avery knew that it wasn't the real reason behind his aversion to Hogsmeade that weekend but just shrugged their shoulders, said it was a pity that Snape can't go and then left. Narcissa momentarily gave him something between a glare and a scowl which cowed him a bit when she walked pass him in the dungeon hallway but he answered back with a scowl of his own, so fierce in strength that Narcissa immediately averted her eyes and continued on her path.

_**~ S.S ~**_

For the uncountable billionth time of the day, he tried unsuccessfully to hide the longing and pain in his eyes when looking at Lily and Potter. Potter has succeeded where he failed, harshly. Potter has had Lily's heart securely in his hand, key, lock and all. He has noticed that Lily's gaze has taken on a more and more dreamy and faraway look when it was directed at Potter's direction and when Potter was nearby. He sometimes has seen Potter pulled Lily out from behind a tapestry, both looking very thoroughly snogged. He has heard Lily giggled at Potter's joke, has seen Potter's hand tucked a stray hair behind Lily's ear, then gently traced fingers down Lily's neck and she just blushed, has witnessed Lily ignored her simmering cauldron in favour of listening to Potter's flattering whispers (he has secretly muttering a few spells under his breath to make sure that her potion would turn out alright). He has known for sure that both of them would have kissed, have hugged, have snogged, have dated, have talked but to see Lily getting intimated with Potter more and more each day was almost, just almost - bordering on too much-, overwhelming for him to bear watching.

The final straw was when he walked into them in the middle of a snogging session in a secluded place down the Black Lake, the one that he discovered and shown to Lily back in their fourth year, the one that they both solemnly took an oath not to bring or tell another soul about it. That place itself is a masterpiece. Three large trees stand together signified the entrance to people who know the place and a small wood shield this place from any curious eye and practically scream that there is nothing else beyond them. But once someone get over these barriers, wander through the plants and trees, they would find a small picturesque clearing before their eyes, laid there by nature for eyes of people who are adventurous enough to feast on. The Black Lake isn't so much 'black' as its name would have suggested there, instead it's crystal clear and reflected the soft hue of the sky. The grass is also different, it's greener and softer. A few flowers cluster here or there, usually lavender, lilac, pansy, chrysanthemum, all kinds of lily - even the lily of the valley is there -, daisy, blue bell, chamomile, etc. He thought it must have been magic that all the flowers which grows in different times and seasons of the year are here together, the plants don't wilt or shed leaves, and even when outside is storming, raining and freezing, that spot would still stay in springtime, bordering on summertime. It's as if someone has magically created and preserved the place for eternity when he or she stumbled upon the spot in all its glorious weather. It was so marvellously beautiful that he has thought that if heaven really existed, this is a forgotten part of it. It was sacred to him. Seeing Potter snogging Lily senseless is already too much for him, as he would rather face the bastard who happened to father him, and out of every place she could have taken Potter to, she has chosen this place. The place that only belongs to him and her, the place that they had both made a promise to each other never to reveal the location to any other, the place that is sacred to him! It made him raging inside.

"Miss Evans, I thought you have made a promise not to reveal this location to anyone else."

He drawled out, tried to insert as much venom in it as possible and saw Lily's face paled and Potter's brows furrow up in confusion. He abruptly turned away and stalked out of the clearing of the spot, into the wood surround it, not waiting to hear what Lily might have to say or protest. Or what that Potter's say in this circumstance. Maybe he has caused troubles between them, a fight perhaps. It filled him with a dark satisfaction knowing that he has been the cause of the problem. Perhaps, just perhaps, since Lily has forsaken him and went along with Potter, even though Lily was still the only girl he probably would ever love, he didn't have to always make her life easy.


	6. Anything for Her, Anything

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A/N: I've this sitting around on my desktop screen for so long because I couldn't think of anything else to add... So finally, after about 2 months mucking around with it, I have finally reached a decision. Voila. Yay me. I blame schoolwork for everything. And I've realised that I haven't include a disclaimer for so long.

Disclaimer:

Sky is blue

Sun is red

Harry Potter

Is not mine.

_**Part IV: Anything for her, anything**_

The rest of his time at Hogwarts went by uneventfully. Lily and Potter grew more and more intimate with each other and strangely enough, he didn't have the heart to mind. He buried himself in the art of Potions, trying to repress the flashback of memory about the time Lily and him were still friends. Subsequently, he took up an apprenticeship with a Potion Master for about 4 years. Life was peaceful and easy for him. Later on in his life, he regretted the peacefulness of his early twenties when all he had to do was waking up, helping the Master, learning from him and making potions all days.

Mulciber and Avery have put in words about his Potion-making talent to the Dark Lord and the Dark Lord has extended a hand to him. He was to receive the Dark Mark and initiation immediately when he has finished his apprenticeship in Potions.

_**~ S.S ~**_

Lucius has looked at him disapprovingly under the white Death Eater mask as he walked unsteadily through the crowd toward the Dark Lord to receive his Mark. The Dark Lord looked like a man in his early thirties, although He has went to school with Abraxas Malfoy, and exudes terrifying magic power. The magic was addicting, dark but it was very oppressing, made it very hard for him to breath. He walked toward the Lord and knelt down, greeted the most powerful Dark Lord of the millennium. What happened afterward was a tornado, in which he was swept along and couldn't offer any resistance to it. He was Marked and has to kill a person with his potions to prove himself to the Lord. He felt strangely detached, as if he was watching a fast forward black and white film unfolded before his eyes, and he just followed the directions like a mindless puppet.

A month later, he was the Lord's most trusted man as he was a Potions Master and he always complete his given tasks to perfection that not even Lucius could dream of. His Lord trusted him, the Death Eaters looked at him with fear and respect, and even some could not shield their jealousy of his position. He has a place in the Dark where he felt that he belonged to and he was accepted for all that he was, ruthless and cunning. It was easy, a different sort of easiness to this life that he enjoyed. He didn't have to think much, only of how to accomplish the task given to him by the Lord. Lucius and Narcissa only looked at him sadly when all their words have failed to have any effect at slowing him down and reminding him to be careful not to do anything, anything at all, that would possibly makes him regrets it later on. He could only shake his head when remembering to this part of his life, unable to comprehend how he could be so foolish and naïve not to accept their sincere warnings.

When he looked back on the real reason behind his choice of taking the Dark Mark, he couldn't find any. He couldn't evoke anything or trigger any memory of the purpose of his Dark Mark and following Voldemort. All he remembered was that he was so sure of his decision and he blindly believed in the Dark Lord.

He has been following his Lord's order to penetrate the Order of Phoenix, leaded by Dumbledore, to steal precious information about their operations and to know how much they knew about his Lord's operation. It was so easy because Dumbledore was foolish enough to think that everyone deserves a second chance in life. All he had to do was mopping around for a few days in the castle, acting as if the Mark was forced onto him and he has no other choice but to take it, fearing that they would threaten Lily's life. He acted like a complete wreck for a few days and Dumbledore, being the ever-benevolent man that he was, took Severus in under his wing and introduce him to the Order. He made a false promise to help them gain information from inside the Dark Lord's den and fed them both true and false information about his Lord's raids in order to gain inside knowledge of the Order. He often saw Potter in the Order's meeting and to his shock, Potter was civilised toward him. Must have been Lily's influence. Occasionally he saw Lily attended these meeting with Potter, now her husband. He was surprised when the initial pain of seeing Lily in someone's arms rather than his has subsided, dull into a tolerable ache in his chest. He was beginning to view Lily as a little sister that he has doted on and was very possessive of. The pain was turning into a feeling of responsibility and a concern for her welfare and did seem that it would faded into a memory of a memorable heartbreak, but not unforgettable and devastating. Soon enough, he would meet a nice girl (or woman), fall in love with her, would court her and if his Lord approved, he would marry her. Lily was turning into someone that best stay in his past and his memories, and she would always have a special stand in his heart but not the sole reason for his life anymore. He was slowly but steadily healing.

_**~ S.S ~**_

One night, he was at a pub in Hogsmeade drinking in a once-in-a-while context when he overheard Dumbledore interview a woman name Sybil Trelawney who applied for the Divination professor post. When he heard Dumbledore read her application allow him to confirm several points, he thought that he just heard the most hilarious and interesting laughing matter of the century, if not the millennium. He was ready to bet with himself 10 Galleons that this woman is a hoax and she just applied for this job because it's the easiest money-earning job lying around that required no real knowledge and understanding when he heard something strange. His well-trained ears perked up and he moved stealthily toward the closed door of the room where the interview was taking place. He hasn't been his Lord's most trusted spy for nothing and his intuition has always been very sharp. He wasn't wrong. Never once. Maybe Sybil Trelawney's application has been the biggest joke of the century but her talent is as real as it can get, mused Severus.

_"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…"_

His eyes widened perceptibly. He was hearing the juicy stuff, a prophecy about a person who can possibly defeat his Lord. Just by relaying the prophecy to the Lord, even if he was the lowest minion of his Lord, could grant him just anything in this whole wide world. So he silently casted a listening charm and prayed to whichever God that was listening that he can hear the whole prophecy before he was discovered eavesdropping.

_"...Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies_

_And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…"_

Even better! A description of the possible candidate for the foolish occupation of destroying the most feared and powerful Dark Lord of all time. He sneered and then snickered at the thought. Apparently, he hasn't been as discreet as he would have like as he was discovered and brought before Dumbledore by the barkeeper. He faked a flustered look, as if his intentional eavesdropping was accidental as there was some news he wanted to tell Dumbledore immediately without delay and that they told him Dumbledore was holding a job interview at the Hog's Head. He has waited but it was taking too long and he had to go back to the Dark Lord soon. Of course, expect Dumbledore, out of all people to believe it and actually scold the barkeeper about suspecting Snape's behaviour.

He has missed the last part of the prophecy because of the scuffle with the barkeeper but the parts that he was able to hear would suffice. His Lord wouldn't be so ecstatic about the prospect of having someone that could possibly defeat him but there would be no doubt that he would reward him for giving him a way to prevent the event from happening. The Light will have no saviour and the Dark would shred them into pieces.

_**~ S.S ~**_

"Even though I'm not happy with what the meaning of the prophecy, but you have brought the information to me and by that, giving me a way to prevent it from happening. For that, I will reward you by fulfilling one of your ambition. Just name one and I will grant it to you."

His guess has been right. His Lord wasn't happy about what the prophecy said but he would reward him. And his Lord never jokes about rewarding someone before. If someone did a job that exceeds the Lord's expectation, he or she would likely be receiving a reward. And just imagine, the Lord agreed to fulfil one of his many ambition.

"I...I… Thank you, my Lord. May I have some time to think over which one to choose from, my Lord?"

There was a fleeting dash of amusement in his Lord's eyes but as quick as it came, it disappeared, leaving him to wonder whether he has really seen it or he just imagined it. It almost made him trip over his own cloak when the Lord agreed to the request. He has thought that he would be punished for his simple request. Obviously his Lord was happy about the prospect of there would be a way to prevent it. He has never guessed that the mean to prevent the prophecy from happening would include killing the Potters, who just became a family of three with the recent addition of a young Potter last year at the end of July.

~ S.S ~

"...Please, my Lord, please. Anything for her, My Lord! Anything for her, anything!"

He begged and begged over and over again, not caring that it made him felt so insecure and worthless in the way he usually felt back in Hogwarts, when he has pushed Lily away from him. He was devastated, Lucius and Narcissa's words drifted back to him on never done anything that would make him regret it. It was too late. Always too late. He had forgotten all their warnings only to have it came back and haunted him after the deed was done.

"Why her, dear Severus? You are a Prince, by blood even. You can have all the pureblood witches you want. Why the mudblood?"

He saw the slightly maniacal gleam in his Lord's eyes. Straightening his back, he did his best to put a clamp on his emotions at that moment. He had let slipped his true feelings for Lily, almost.

"Because I want to torture her for the mocking her husband has done to me, My Lord."

His Lord tilted his head and seemed to be lost in thought for a while. He frantically begging all Gods that cared to listen at that moment that the Dark Lord would grant him this one wish. Just this one. He would protect Lily. He would hide her away. He would do anything just to have Lily in his sight again, whole and alive. He thought he was over her only to find out that his affection for her had only increased with time. Oh Merlin, just how much he love her!


End file.
